Does it bother you when people classify, label, or make assumptions about your doll?

[Karhys]

I just got to thinking about this one the other day, so I thought I would ask what the rest of you think... :)

Now I guess most of us with boy dolls are used to non-doll people mistaking them for girls. That's a pretty common one. But there are other classifications that can be just as if not more annoying. Like when people automatically assume that a tiny must be a child under the age of six; or that a mini of any type is child; or that your dolls are gay, or straight, or even sexually active at all; or that your dolls must have a soul or else you're weird; or that if your dolls DO have a soul you're weird; and a lot of other things. I've heard all manner of assumptions and classifications about what another person's doll "should" or "shouldn't" be made by all manner of people. Sometimes even said aloud as a generalization as if everyone thinks the same way they do.

So I'm wondering what you think about this. Is it okay for people to make automatic assumptions about your doll? Is it okay for people to label your doll at all? Is it okay for people to tell you how your doll is meant to be? And are their different kind of assumptions that are okay depending on whether the person is a fellow ABJD owner/lover, a general doll owner/lover, or just Joe Bloggs on the street?

By that last one, I'm thinking of, for example, things that pass in the ABJD world because we're already conceptually used to them occurring, such as the eroticizing of minis or tinies, or intersize relationships such as 45cm/60cm pairings. How I might explain or discuss a 45/60 doll pairing with an ABJD owner and how I might explain or discuss a 45/60 doll pairing with Joe Bloggs would be very different.

Anyway, I'd very much like to hear people's feedback and thoughts!

[sgtgeorgecarter]

I try not to think of anyone else's dolls as anything but dolls, unless we converse and they tell me about them or they have profiles written about them.

I realise that my perceptions are not the same as anyone else's and not everyone thinks certain things are ok, even if I do. I let the owner lead me when it comes to discussing their dolls.

Non-doll people, I explain what they want to know (everyone wants to know about winkies) and how we maintain them and clothe them etc. They don't care about the "doll's life" so I don't burden them with those things.

Personally, I don't discuss my doll's "lives" with too many people. Except that anyone who knows Dennis knows he's a dog ;)

As for other explanations, I give them as truthfully and dispassionately as possible. Let the person come to their own conclusions.

[celestia]

I think people who are new to the hobby are quick to assume genders because they are most likely either nervous or well, new. If anything the community could be a little more empathetic of those who aren't aware of the hobby itself.
Society doesn't always look down on people who hold seperate opinions. They may smile, think you think you're right and carry on their journey and hope you find out the truth one day. Not proceed to wring your neck for not being able to recite a field they know well.

If they're unfamiliar with something like this hobby, they're going to want to know about how much they cost, what's the doll called, where's it from, who makes them.. general beginner FAQ- the last thing you want to know is your doll is different from all the others because he comes with xx yy zz storyline and got modded to hell and is no longer that xx yy zz doll everyone else finds oh-so-generic.

There's only so much you can expect, the burden lies rather, on the ability to remain a ope and not superficial (like patronising a person) for incorrect identification. As an example... some these dolls, are sculpted to reflect a particular year/age group. So lets say you take an SD13 whose age reflects that of say, a 13 year old boy. Okay, i think its logical to assume yes- this boy is 13 years of age! not a time-defying, ancient, gargantuan god of creation and destruction etc etc who also happens to be homosexual, doesn't eat food despite the sculpey cupcake in his hand, is evil and malicious despite the caring, gentle aesthetics and rosy-puffy-cheeks of doom.

Everyone has first impressions, first thoughts, assumptions of something e.t.c ... whether or not they have the guts to speak out loud is another issue. It doesn't bother me, maybe because i've never really used age to represent a character in depth. People should take more gratitude in deception. Especially for those in the community who pride themselves on the whole "looks-can-be-deceiving-because-i'm-not-your-average-superficial-WYSIWYG" persona.

[Taco]

Ok, rant time, because I have noticed some very thoughtless negative comments getting posted (not here, though, thankfully), and it really is starting to bug me...

Whether or not it bothers me or I think it's ok, depends on what it is. It's one thing to mess up gender, it's another to cast judgement on an owner's mental health because they believe their dolls have souls, like erotic photoshoots, etc., or tell people they aren't responsible because they have more than a certain number of dolls, use a credit card to buy dolls, etc. It's the stuff like that that really bugs me--the very negative assumptions.

People don't take into account the fact that the owner in question's background and financial status might be different from their own; they just make blanket statements about people they really know very little about. Half the time I see comments like that, I'm not even sure that the posters realize what they're saying, and if they had given five minutes thought before posting, they might realize that they'd be better off not posting it to begin with. I don't expect all people to agree with each other, and as humans, we all make assumptions sometimes. However, I do expect people to think about the things they say, especially when it comes to making a judgement call on someone else.

People assuming all minis are children is a pet peeve of mine, though I can understand in some cases why there might be confusion. I wouldn't be upset if someone made an honest mistake and refered to one of my minis as being very young. However, if I state that my mini is a certain age, don't keep insisting he's really a child that must be dressed and photographed accordingly.:mad

The only really incorrect assumptions that I've had nondoll people make is about gender. Nondoll people are generally polite and genuinely interested--there aren't a lot of preconceived ideas there. Doll people, however, can be really hard on each other--I think, because they have already formed certain ways of seeing the hobby and their fellow hobbyists. There are certain things that are easier to talk about with fellow bjd people, but there are still issues there--lots of arguments about whether or not 40/60 relationships are ok, or whether minis look too much like children (those are the two of the biggest issues I've seen come up).

[ready2rokk]

I've had a lot of assumptions made about my dolls and about me as a collector, but I'm not really bothered by them.
Probably one of the things that does bother me just a little is sometimes I get people who use a condescending tone with me when they ask "does your doll have a name?" and when I say "yes, its ~", I get the "oh *snicker*". Are they assuming I'm immature or slow for naming my dolls?

[Celebare]

I don't mind assumptions about my dolls. In fact, when I still had Henry and happened to have him in a public place, if someone referred to him as 'she' (as was often the case), I went along with it and switched his name to 'Henrietta' temporarily. He was so girly at times that it was better - for me - to let Average Joe believe that he was female.

I'll usually correct people when they misread Roo's gender, because he's dressed in very boyish clothes 99% of the time. Same goes with Kyu. Otherwise, when speaking to people outside the hobby, I'm very laid-back for the reasons celestia mentioned. Average Joe does not care that my Karon is an ancient Trickster God, or that actually my YoSD is 3,000 years old despite his looks. If they ask how much they cost, I tell them how much they cost; if they ask for names, I give names; if they ask about specific features/clothing, I'll explain those. Rarely, Average Joe does ask me about the character of my doll, and then I'll go into detail.

As for all the other assumptions, I don't let any of it get under my skin. It goes along with not minding when other owners at meetups pose my dolls (as long as their careful) - a lot of that is 'OOC' for my boys' storylines anyway, so why should it matter? This may be because a lot of the stereotypes are true :B; My MSD is only 16, my YoSD is nine, my androgynous K-doll is gay, etc.

I also try not to make assumptions about other owners' dolls, or owners themselves. I try and see the good in people, and I take owners at meetups at face value based on their personality rather than what dolls they own or what shape the dolls are in. This has gotten me into trouble on a few occasions with owners who weren't what they seemed, but those incidents are far outweighed by the number of wonderful people I've met at meetups. After all, if I hadn't been so willing to take kindness at face value, I wouldn't have met half the friends I have now :B

Short version - Assume away, because I don't care; and I won't make assumptions about you.

[Myriai]

When people on the street see my friends and/or me out with the dolls the ones that care to comment are actually very nice about it for the more part they ask if we/I made the dolls and a few other related questions and if they assume one of my boy dolls is a girl I don't correct them, most of my boys have long hair because I have a decided bias for it and Alex for sure has more than his share of girliness *laughs* As for trying to explain why I am a 28-year-old girl/woman that plays with dolls I simply tell them that I am an author and that the dolls are 3-D representations of characters in one of my stories at which point they go "Oh" and walk along on their merry way--people sometimes like to lump authors in as an eccentric (and most of the other aspiring novelists I meet are as am I. I suppose it's an assumption that it goes with the "creative" type ^^; )

As for other doll owners making assumptions about my dolls, most people I hang out with through the dolls have already heard so much of the dolls' stories (both current and forthcoming ones) they just say "Yes, Dee, you've told me this 18974653 times already" ^^; When I attend a meet with new people it's all about the dolls and I don't inflict my characters on them unless they ask except to say that Alex and Mia are twins or that these two dolls are together--I have been working on sparing people who don't care to hear my rantings ^^; I'm lousy at it sometimes because when I'm excited about something I love to tell anyone and everyone within range ^^;

When it comes down to the particulars of the doll hobby, I don't like to make assumptions about how anyone else views it. One of my favourite things about the hobby in general (and one I try to emphasize in the panels I sometimes do for local conventions) is that there are as many ways to enjoy the dolls as there are people in the hobby ^_^

[Raouken]

I don't really care about any assumptions non doll people make-they don't know these kinds of dolls, they don't know that there are adults who play with dolls, it's only natural to make an assumption-so I'm not bothered when someone calls my dolls 'girls' or 'your kid' or 'like a barbie?' They don't know any better,and more often than not, they don't care to know any better. So it's okay.

Sometimes doll people say my boys are girls-I don't mind that either. If I didn't want them mistaken for a girl, I should get them short wigs and jeans. It somewhat bothers me when people say all mini's are children-I don't see Unoa or Narae or Minifee as kids. Teens, sure, but kids? No. Then again, I don't have any mini's so I can't be too bothered by that either.

The only thing that really bothers me is when people assume I'm a rich,elitist bastard because I have a Scarface Cecile and my boys have nice eyes. When someone asks me what kind of doll my Cecile is and I answer 'he's a Volks Scarface Cecile' and they give me that 'oh..one of those elitists' looks and walk away, then yes, that bothers me. Or when they give me an angry look when I drool over other Volks dolls at a meet, while no one looks different when you play with a DoC or a Luts, then yes, that bothers me. I'm by no means rich, I saved my ass off for my Cecile. I hope to buy a Sweet Dream Lucas soon, and I just know I'm going to hear 'I wish I was rich like you' again. It bothers me to hear my months of eating ramen and selling stuff and pining for that one doll being put off as 'rich like you'. That's the only thing that bothers me, really. But not so much I'm not going to get my Lucas XD

[jacksandjokers]

As far as assumptions go, I hear a lot of them from people if I take one of the boys out. They're assumed as girls, which I don't really mind, most of the time. (Although I wonder about people who think Adrien is a girl, he doesn't look like one at all.) Orchid is always being made fun of by my boyfriend, then again I'm used to that and since he knows almost as much as I do by proxy, I guess that isn't an assumption.

When people I work with assume that I spend all of my money on these dolls and must leech off my parents, that irks me. For one, I live on my own and pay my own bills. I also have a six month old son, I highly doubt I'm spending all of my money on my hobby. They usually don't believe me, because since I work at Wendy's there is no way I could afford such expensive dolls. Apparently they've never heard of budgeting or saving money.

I agree with Raouken about people thinking that just because you own a Volks or all of your dolls have nice eyes that you're rich or elitist. On the opposite end, the opinion of those who are elitist that every other doll is inferior is equally annoying.

This goes for those who act that way whether they own Volks, Luts, Dollshe, or Dream of Doll.

Also, the idea that you can only know about dolls you own yourself can be rather infuriating. Being a person who (so far) only owns Luts dolls does not automatically mean they are the only dolls I like or know anything about, when people disregard my input because of which dolls I own it is kind of frustrating.

[Brightfires]

Most assumptions don't bother me... but there are a few that can make me grumble.

People calling my guys "pretty girls"? Not a problem. Honestly, some of them do look pretty darn fem, even to people who are used to BJDs... Crane, Ren and D are so damned girly that they might as well BE girls... So I'm not ever going to raz anybody about making that kind of mistake.

Being called some kind of rich-bitch or an elitist? Eh. I'm old enough to be pretty well established and I made a lucky career choice, that's all. I'm not going to apologize for that, or for having the collection I have. I'm also not going to deny being picky about how my own dolls look, or liking the things that I like. 'Thing is, if I like a doll, I couldn't care less rather a sculpt is a $200 Chinese bargain or a $2000 Volks One-off... If it's well done and looks good, it just doesn't matter. Pretty is pretty. Who cares how much it cost?

The "dolly soul" thing? To each their own, I say. I consider any life that mine have to be an artifact of the characters that I've given them, and the result of the way that my over-active imagination and I interact with those characters. If someone else wants to look at their doll and call it a soul-less art object or the resin vessel for an individual spiritual entity, who am I to tell them they're having BadWrongFun? As long as they don't call me nuts, I'll extend them the same courtesy.

Re: the Child Minis issue... I'm guilty of that one. I can't help it. Minis, even when they have more grown-up bodies like the Unoas and MiniFees, really do look like kids to me when they're standing next to full-sized dolls. Sure, they don't look like five year olds... but they just don't look "grown up" to me , either. Interestingly, I don't necessarily see them as kids when they're grouped with other smaller dolls. A mature mini "adult" with other mature minis doesn't mangle my perceptions at all.

The two assumption that DO bother me are both things that I've mentioned before on another board, and they're usually confined to inside the doll community...

I hate the assumptions that a lot of doll people seem to make about twins. It's as if the bare fact that they *are* twins means that they automatically have to be "up to something". If you pose them together at all affectionately, it's immediately assumed to be sexual... Deny it gently and people'll think you're just being coy about it. Deny it strongly and you'll get the "Methinks she doth protest too much!"-thing.

Long before I stopped posting pictures of other sorts, I stopped posting pictures of any of twin pairs together. I got absolutely sick of hearing how "cute a couple" Harumatsu and Tien Jen were, or how "hot" they looked together. In spite of Jen being very publicly "involved" elsewhere. And in spite of Harumatsu being about as openly "all about the girls" as any doll character has ever been. >_<

Which leads to my second gripe... The automatic assumption than any and all male doll character are gay. Sure, a lot of them are. But "a lot" does not equal "all", and for heaven's sake when someone says "Nah. My guy is into girls." or "No. He's one of those confirmed-bachelor types. 'Thinks other doll characters all have cooties." one should NOT assume that they're kidding, in denial about their own character's gayness, or otherwise in any way mistaken. :mad

Not everyone in the doll hobby is a yaoi-fancier, and believe it or not, some of us really do have male doll characters who are straight...

[mylittlefighter]

Not at all. I don't let the actions of others bother me, unless they're specifically malicious in intent. :nod If someone makes a mistake about my doll...well, it's just that. A mistake. I rarely bother correcting them, either, because, well, I honestly don't care! :XD

[Karhys]

I guess I didn't word my original post as well as I had hoped, but I was thinking more along the lines of people who make fairly vocal assumptions, like, for example, saying publicly "well, everyone knows that all tinies are under the age of six!" or things like that. The sort of assumptions that imply that you yourself have no control over how you want your doll to be seen.

I do understand about first impression associations, which is what I meant with my opening line, but... when does it go beyond just being a mistake or a misunderstanding and become offensive in that people are pushing their interpretations of the dolls back on you whether you want it or not? Is there a line you can draw there and is it different depending on who you're dealing with?

Like some of the things Brightfires mentioned, for example -- people who will continue to persist that their way of thinking about your doll is more correct than your way of thinking about your doll, even when you've stated quite specifically how the actuality is.

[eveshka]

I had one person insist loudly in very public places and with lewdness that Xelander (my NS El) was gay. It got to the point where she'd reach for him and I'd smack her hand. If she opened her mouth, I'd tell her in no uncertain terms to shut her mouth.

Eventually, she was revealed to be Serious Trouble and she has since been kicked out on her arse and ear. In fact, her phone number is still in my phone, renamed to 'Do Not Answer.'

[purplewiz]

I really haven't had too many people make assumptions about my dolls in person because I don't do a lot of dolly social things. (It's not that I don't like to, it's that time thing again.) So people really don't know my dolls enough to make assumptions about them.

The biggest assumption I get is that because I have pictures of my dolls on my web site that they are for sale. I get very tired of writing polite emails saying that no, that is just a gallery, my dolls are not for sale, see where it says they're not for sale on the page?

Marcia.

[sgtgeorgecarter]

Re: the Child Minis issue... I'm guilty of that one. I can't help it. Minis, even when they have more grown-up bodies like the Unoas and MiniFees, really do look like kids to me when they're standing next to full-sized dolls. Sure, they don't look like five year olds... but they just don't look "grown up" to me , either.

Totally. The scale is so off they sort of strike me as sprites or fairies or some such. I just don't think they look right together.


Not everyone in the doll hobby is a yaoi-fancier, and believe it or not, some of us really do have male doll characters who are straight...

LOL true! and some of us are slashers and we still have straight characters for our dolls!

[Celebare]

Brightfires - The assumption that all male dolls are gay irks me, as well XD; It doesn't effect me directly, because as mentioned above my boy dolls do like other boys, but the notion in the yaoi fandom that heterosexual pairings are icky really rubs me the wrong way... so to see bits of it carry over into the doll fandom makes me a sad panda :'D

Now, had I a straight doll and someone tried to insert him into a yaoi scene at a meetup, I probably wouldn't care - like I said, what happens at meetups is almost entirely OOC to me.

[Tro-chan]

Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about people making assumptions. It's just human nature to make judgements based on first impressions... But it does irritate me to no end when people insist they know about something you created more than you do. :mad Seriously, what the heck is going on in their heads? Of course some people sadly just don't realize they've crossed the line, and you're about to smack them upside the head but for manners:angry
But luckily, I have not run across too many of these idjits when dolls are involved, and usually any mistaken assumptions are the kind that are easy to just shrug off or gently explain.
I suppose that in a way doll people could be worse. Sort of that little knowledge being dangerous thing...

[Jinxferen]

When it comes to inside the hobby one of the ones that bothers me the most is when assumptions are made about people just based on what type of doll you own, i.e. if you own volks you're a snobby elitist, if you own a DollZone you're a clueless n00b and so on and so on. Like Brightfires, I look for which sculpts are most pleasing to me, regardless which company makes them.

Outside the hobby I'd have to say the one that gets to me is when people make assumptions about doll owners and money. Either we're all rich and frivolous, or we're horrible when it comes to money and are pushing ourselves further into debt to support our resin habits. And yeah, there are people of both kinds in this hobby, but I wouldn't say they make up the majority (especially the latter group). A lot of doll owners save aside money for their dolls, rather than spend it piece by piece on other kinds or entertainment, like magazines, concerts and movies. Yeah, we're spending several hundred bucks on hunks of plastic that just sit there, but so are PS3 buyers. :p My point is, what people do with their money is their business (unless they aren't paying their taxes, in which case it's the government's business...).

[Kim]

Every time I go to a meet and someone refers to my dolls as my "resin kids" or "children", I twitch a little and have to correct them. My dolls are my resin slaves. I don't think my dolls have souls or are alive in way, shape, or form, and I don't like it when people think I do.

I don't really care what doll or non-doll people think about my dolls, but it can get frustrating when you hear the same things over and over again. I own three tinies who are not children. I do not dress them like children and I certainly don't portray them as children. I never photograph them with larger dolls. And yet people still call them babies or kids. In fanart, people don't automatically think a chibi character is a baby, it's the adult character stuck in tiny, cute form. Much hilarity ensues, etc etc. That's the way I see my tinies.

I also cannot stand the assumptions that are made of doll owners because of the genres or things they like. So what if I like yaoi and own a cross dressing doll? It doesn't make me an idiot or a 14 year old girl afraid of having relationships.

As for the all male dolls are gay thing, because I have character dolls, I have the opposite problem. Lots of people assume Cloud or Leon are straight and ask when I'll be making Rinoa or Aerith >.> I'm pretty loud and clear about how they're both gay and in a relationship. I'm not sure how people miss that.

[CatMoran]

First assumptions don't bother me at all. People who aren't familiar with bjds are going to think that a lot of the boys are girls until they're told otherwise. And it's a pretty common stereotype within the hobby that all the male dolls are actively gay.

I've been pretty lucky about people who insist that their assumption is correct, there are only two I get hit with frequently. "But he looks like a girl!" is very common, but my offers to "prove" he's a boy seems to send most of the perpetrators running. ^_^

The one I don't know what to do about, are the people outside the hobby who assume that I think my dolls are alive.

Maybe it's because I'm not sure why it bothers me so much? Because I don't mind it from other collectors, regardless of whether they're informally RPing or have an 'overactive imagination' in regard to their own dolls. So why does it bother me when non-bjd people do it?

Or maybe it's because I feel like it's "my fault" for giving them names and "personalities"?

All I know is, I've got one coworker who always stops to greet whichever doll I have with me that day and asks it how it is. It's starting to get just a little odd.

[vampireanneke]

I have to stop myself about making 'assumptions' about my friend's dolls. She doesn't see them for their characters as much as husband and I do, and constructing storys around dolls and such.

The 'assumptions' I hate about my own dolls is that I have several Dollzone dolls and people assume I got them because they were cheap. Which isn't the case. I like the molds, and it's as simple as that.

Another thing that bugs me, isn't an 'assumption', but I get people who get annoyed or don't like my dolls because it's not how THEY would have done the 'character'. Uh... Hello, it's my doll. (shrugs)

-Anneke

[harlowe]

I'd look at it this way, you are never going to get everyone to look at your dolls or pairings the same way you do, so why fret about it or let it bother you. I honestly do not care what some fellow hobbyists think of my dolls or pairings. It's just not even something on my radar.

[Kahli]

I guess it comes with getting old and people thinking I'm weird for even collecting dolls (of all things!), but I don't care what anyone has to say about the dolls. They are little inanimate objects that make my house interesting and are fun to have around.

I don't invest a lot of emotion into protecting their little psyches and ids and egos. I have enough problems dealing with my own. ;)

I have minis, petites, tinies and biggies. they all stand on their own little shelves- probably talking about me behind my back. :o

[Malice Librarian]

I haven't personally come across anyone making assumptions about my dolls, but I've noticed assumptions about collectors that I find disturbing.

Jinxferen makes a good point that an individual's personal finances are their own business, and I feel that one shouldn't be criticized for where one sets spending priorities.

I also dislike how people assume that people collect dolls because they are lonely and are unable to connect with others. Everyone's social needs are different, and there are various means of satisfying such needs.

[byouyuuken]

Assumptions about my dolls don't bother me much, and I'm usually more amused than annoyed, although once in a while I try to justify myself some (unsuccessfully =_=;). Usually I make things worse by trying to explain that my dolls are not gay or at each other or that they aren't girls (because well, they're crossing my line too *coughs*)...

Oh well. I haven't ran into any non doll-people who would outright say offensive things, although they might be having ideas in their heads anyways; but they're usually more confused and/or curious than hostile. Sometimes doll-owners (who knows the variety that can range in this hobby) can be harsher on each other than non doll-owners!

[Catdancer]

I guess I am lucky in the fact that not many people know about my dolls or my hobby with them. and the ones that do, think they are pretty, and that's about it.. unfortunately I don't have any friends, that care to visit.. so I don't worry about it.
and if anyone on any of the forums have ideas about my dolls..its their opinion..doesn't bother me..they are only dolls.

[InkyBear]

I havenn't taken either of my boys out yet, so thankfully I have yet to have anyone say anything or make assumptions about them. The only ones who even know of their existance are my family who either know very much about their characters like I do, or just simply don't care, and my one good BJD friend.

Honestly though, I think people assuming things, whether they be within the hobby or not, is one very big reason I'm reluctant to ever take them out. I get catty about alot of things, one being price. My two current boys are DOC's, two very popular molds, and what people might even classify as 'beginner dolls'. The next two mini's on my list are from LatiDoll and AE, a chinese company. Needless to say, they won't be as expensive as some other companies. Did money have any swaying factor in my deciding to chose them over someone else? Absolutely not. But I know money can be a very stingy topic for BJD collectors, and whether it's intentional or not, saying what company they are from can immedietly raise some eyebrows.

Also, all my current and future boys are gay. They all have partners, one owned by me, the others owned by a friend. This is also something I hate assumptions about. Because the 'yaoi fandom' has grown so huge, simply mentioning the word brings with it a whole slew of negative implications. I'm not going to say my boys are something when they aren't, but at the same time, I myself can be left open for many, many assumptions just by the simple fact that my dolls happen to be gay. It's very disheartening.

I may have gotten off topic. Excuse my rambling.

[Bel]

I must spend most of my doll time with my head comfortably up my ass, because I'm not aware of any assumptions people have made about them.

I'm basically with Harlowe. Other people's opinions on my dolls matter so little to me that I don't even notice them.

[Lotte Rotten]

It actually bothers me when people assume that my dolls are sexually active- because they are not. i am not into my dolls having sexual relationships AT ALL (being an asexual myself)...so it actually annoys me a little if other peoples dolls are trying to 'flirt' with mine...doh!

[dollseye]

It doesn't bother me at all if other people make up their own stories, genders or anything else about the dolls in my photos. Other people's interpretations of my stuff are all welcome, however dark, weird or even cheesy they might be.

I'm a bit funny about company labels sometimes, it seems as if it can get a bit collector obsessive. There are times when I want to forget which company which doll came from, times when I want to escape from that bjd collector mentality. I got an invite to a flickr bjd group recently and when I went and looked, I saw these instructions telling members to put the make and model of their doll in the description for every photo added to the pool in that group. There's no way I could commit myself to doing that.

[rattimoth]

Other people make assumptions about my dolls??? News to me.. but then, I live in my own little world where the voices are my friends.

My dolls. Period. other peoples opinions, assumptions, criticisms, unimportant. Period.

Seek peace

Carol

[ArcaneMuse]

In life people make assumptions all the time about people, things, situations. It only bothers me when my friends make the wrong assumptions and I'm left wondering if they even know me at all. As for anyone else, I don't let it bother me. People can think or assume what they like about my dolls. They are not real people, so it won't hurt me.

[lyrajean]

I haven't had any problems with BJD people.

Most of my issues have been with traditional doll collectors and most of those were some time ago when BJD were still 'new' to the doll collecting scene. I7ve been into BJD since '04.

Mostly along the lines of ' aren't they expensive?' or 'you paid what for that hunk of plastic?' from people who spent an equal amount of money or more on antique dolls or modern collectable dolls. That bothers me more than the other responses, becuase its a negative judgement about what I choose to spend my $ on. At 2 dolls a year (and I don't buy clothes) I'm hardly bankrupting myself.

The BJD boys all look a bit feminine, so I was mostly amused by the calling a boy a girl thing. Which usually resulted in someone peering down Kai's trouser aor giving him a good crotch feel.

My response is generally to ignore them. If they don't know what they're missing out on then, oh well.

All and all doll colelctor types are a pretty tolerant group for a bunch of mostly older (over 40) women. And most people are either ignorant and genuinely curious than insulting.

I had some great times dragging my BF Jerome Nate to London taking pictures. I had complete strangers coming up and posing with him.

[lin]

So far, I've only met nice people in the hobby who either said nice things about my dolls or if they didn't like them, they kept it to themselves. I have a few odd dolls that are not to everyone's taste and almost all of my dolls are hybrids of some sort, but I like them and that is all that matters to me. I find it interesting to see what dolls different people collect. Sometimes people who seem to me to have bold, edgy personalities end up liking sweet loli-type girls in fluffy little dresses and quiet, conservative people sometimes bring tattooed, pierced and edgy-looking dolls to doll gatherings. I don't think it's possible to assume anything about anyone based on what dolls they have. As for remarks from non-collectors, they wouldn't understand anything I said anyway, so who cares?

[aichaku]

i try to ignore people's assumptions, eg. i don't always understand/get other's obsessions/interests so i don't expect them to understand my dolls. i do get irritated by people who forget common courtesy and say rude things, eg. "they are so ugly" or "they are so creepy and scary!" i thought it is understood that people should avoid saying things like that. sometimes when they say such rude things i will tell them off, and say they should keep their opinions to themselves, just like i'd avoid saying their dogs are smelly or their fashion sense sucks. haha.

[slrphebos]

When I went to a furry con and I had Rhiannon with me, there were a lot of dirty looks to me carrying her around. I was asked a few times if she had a name and I politely told them, but then I saw a look some of you have seen before. The whole "what a weird woman naming a doll and carrying her around" look. Now usually that look doesn't bother me, but at a furry con with people in fursuits and I get looked at as weird for having my doll dressed up opposed to me it irked me. Let us redefine weird while at a furry con.

Mostly I have gotten nice comments about how pretty she is and did I make her clothes and how much she is and the such.

The minis always children view ~ I resent it I'm sorry. It bothers me when it is assumed Rhiannon is a child because she is a mini. She is an adult character I wanted in mini form because it is not a burden on me to carry a mini around like a bigger doll would. She has an adult body (DZ minis do not look like children bodies at all in my eyes) and is over legal adult age. Her clothes are made to reflect her adult likeness (most of the time). While it shouldn't get to me, I'm just tired of that assumption. Due to not finding a lot of boys taller than her and still mini (she's 44cm and apparently most mini boys top off at about 43cm) and I was thinking of going to a bigger boy, but then that will look wrong.:tantrum

I read a little more and saw the DollZone assumption. I hate that one. I like the Shoyo mold and was able to get her quicker through a US distributor. I did not buy her cause she was cheap. If she had been double the price, I would have gotten her anyway. I just like her mold. But sadly no one thinks you can get a DZ and just like it for being pretty.

[eptrauma]

The one i've run into is the assumption that my dolls are related to occult practices at all. That always weirds me out. I'm not into the occult, aside from the occasional horoscope or tarot card reading. And my dolls certinally aren't for any occult purpose, they're fashion models for sewing, and huggable things for company. Pretty much, they're just like any other nice, beloved toy.

though usually, the "oh, no, i like to sew and sewing for them is a hobby. they're just nice toys" tends to set people straight on that one.

[harlowe]

Let us redefine weird while at a furry con.


Yeah, that's pretty rich having people look at a doll collector like they are strange at a...umm...furry con.

I can see people being annoyed with assumptions that your doll is sexually active and they send you sexy RP pm's from your doll to theirs.

If you aren't advertising that you are into that, that's just creepy. Not everyone with dolls wants to cyber them. In fact, I'd say the majority do not want to.

[april]

So I'm wondering what you think about this. Is it okay for people to make automatic assumptions about your doll? Is it okay for people to label your doll at all? Is it okay for people to tell you how your doll is meant to be? And are their different kind of assumptions that are okay depending on whether the person is a fellow ABJD owner/lover, a general doll owner/lover, or just Joe Bloggs on the street?

Basically, I look at it this way... You cannot control, nor expect to control, what other people think. Nor is there a right or wrong to it. They are allowed to think as they wish, just as you are allowed that.

Being civil or at least not rude, is another thing. Just because they think something, or you think something, doesn't mean one can just blurt it out. Well, one CAN but one shouldn't!!! If someone is being rude, feel free to tell them that!

Really, though, if someone wants to label your doll or tell you what to do, don't worry about it. They can say whatever they please, but you are under no obligation to let it bother you or affect you or change your own views. Just let it go!

Hearing things you don't agree with from a fellow BJD owner can be a little more upsetting, since you'd think they'd have more in common with you. But people are people and will have their own quirks and behavior and thoughts. I'd expect more weirdness from non-BJD owners, but it's probably best to just expect differing ideas from just about anyone!

If people with misconceptions are people you are close to, then you may want to try and inform them nicely so that perhaps they won't keep having opinions you have trouble with. If they're your friends, then perhaps they'll actually listen and actually care.

But with people who are strangers or who you don't see every day--just let it go. It's not worth bothering about. Or if you do wish to crusade for the good of BJD owners and sensible people everywhere--you can try and take the time to enlighten them, but certainly, never let it get to you. Other people's opinions are not as important as your own, after all! :)

[girdethsvoice]

From experience at various kinds of conventions (someone mentioned furry cons, for instance) I'm aware that a lot of times the people that are rudest and harder on others in a particular hobby are so often other hobbyists.
I find it's so common to run in fellow fans who are badly socialized or will never be able to interact normally, I take all kinds of weird body language and tics for granted. Someone who has been diagnosed with Aspberger's Syndrome may be a really fabulous resource for all kinds of obscure information, for instance, but they may not be easy to get along within at social events such as doll meets. I've run into people who are verbally aggressive over nothing, who are rude, who are pushy, or who will cut people dead simply because they only acknowledge those Important People whose pictures they've seen. It's part of the human group scene. I will be steretyping other people to say this, but honestly, I've begun to recognize different types that consistently pop up in larger groups and I've learned to avoid those types which I know will cause me problems or make things harder or irritate me.

I do find it annoying when family or friends tell me my doll makes them feel like he may murder us all in our beds, but I try to react gently in what I say about it. It bothers them is that he is not just a toy-looking doll, he looks a little too real for them. Bad horror flicks may have warped their youth.
My interaction with him probably creeps them out too. They may be simply be acknowledging that they get some sense of presence and awareness from the way his eyes appear to look at them. They see me change my behaviors suddenly when I got him (my first) and now they see me putting effort into working with him. Embodying a character that you made up is always a bit odd for other people around you, whatever kind of artwork is involved.

[derilan85]

My mom thinks I'm too old for dolls, while my husband loves them, he just hates the price of them and the shrinking space for them.:lol

[Honooko]

My MSD is really pretty girly looking, I guess. To ME he doesn't seem that way, but I can see how others think that of him. I had thought he was more towards to gay side of things (he's only 12, I give him a few years to work it out XD) only to discover at a meet that no, he's not. He's a very girly straight boy.

It does get annoying that boys can't seem to be just FRIENDS with other boys without getting called gay, but that's as true in dorries as it is in real life. Stereotypes are stereotypes, and when you have people projecting onto 'toys' as 'humans', then it's just part of the game.

[glass_mountain]

I'm a bit funny about company labels sometimes, it seems as if it can get a bit collector obsessive. There are times when I want to forget which company which doll came from, times when I want to escape from that bjd collector mentality.

Yes, that's a tricky one. I do enjoy certain aspects of the 'doll-collecting' mentality - I do have an urge to classify them, even though several of them are hybrids. I think that may be partly down to liking to label things. You know, as in 'it's a Vincent black lightning 1952'...

I'm not sure anyone's going to get that reference [British motorcycle described in Richard Thompson ballad]. :sweat

[blackwingsblackheart]

You know, as in 'it's a Vincent black lightning 1952'...

I'm not sure anyone's going to get that reference [British motorcycle described in Richard Thompson ballad]. :sweat

'S okay. There's still some of us ancients doddering around the boards who remember that song!

My main concern about assumptions centers on the personalities of my dolls. Now, my Baha is outgoing, playful and very aware of her cuteness, so she loves meeting people, getting posed with other dolls, photographed, you name it. My Delf, on the other hand, is terribly shy and reserved. I took him to a meetup and I could feel his cringe--he loosened up minimally when people complimented his outfit, but he was not enjoying himself. I'd be quite bothered if someone wanted to pose their dolls suggestively with him (particularly their girls, since he has zero interest) on his behalf, because he'd find that agonizingly embarrassing...and I'd have to hear about it afterwards. I think it's dreadful manners to assume that another doll owner and/or their doll wants to play the same way you do--ask first and [I]listen[I] to the answer you receive.

As for mundanes, I don't take my dolls out often and when I do they travel in carriers. I got some interested or amused looks in a coffeehouse once, but that's about it. The graying hair and residual librarian mannerisms may help me there; vanishingly few people mess with me in public!

[digikym]

The one thing that really grates my nerves, is when people automatically assume that my dolls are all CHUCKY DOLLS. GAH. I know I shouldn't let anything like that bother me, but people can be so damn dramatic sometimes. "Oh god, it's a creepy Chucky doll!"

If my memory serves me correctly, wasn't Chucky a stuffed "My Buddy Doll" rip-off? People don't have that kind of reaction to porcelain dolls, and ball-joint dolls are much less creepy and vacant-staring than porcelain dolls.

Does anyone else get the Chucky comment?

[Creative Torpor]

I got the Chucky comment when I was showing my best friend pictures of the dolls I wanted to buy (namely the Bluefairy Niky and Sarang). My best friend's friend has a doll phobia, and she said that they looked like Chucky dolls.

<<

I was insulted. Very insulted. Especially considering that Chucky is a Frankenstein of a doll and is very ugly (IMO).

[Nikittin]

Negative/untrue assumptions used to bother me, but not anymore. The dolls are here for my pleasure and I get to define what they are and what they mean to me. Sort of like life, isn't it? ;)

[Ren]

I'm a bit bothered too, sometimes. And I mean the fact that people give an age limit to a certain size and such. I own MSDs, basically, and I'm proud of them and I love them a lot but I wanted to make them 15, especially my DOD doll because he has a somewhat mature face and I did. However, people usually takes notice of my MSDs ages because I have a friend who owns a Jun Tachibana and she's only 14? That is, if I remember correctly.

In the first place, I think that it shouldn't be like that. I mean, it's up to the owner basically to decide what age s/he wants for his/her doll(s) because the reason why we buy dolls is to serve us, to make us, the owners, happy and satisfied and because we ourselves love our dolls. It's not anyone else's decision.

But more importantly, it depends on the face mold of the doll itself. Some doll molds look more mature and some look more childish and all of them come in different sizes. For example, in my case, my U looks a bit mature but my friend's Jun looks younger and there's a discrepancy in size. However, if you just look at the face objectively, it is logical to think of my U to have an older age.

So, okay, some people might disagree and that's okay because they have their own opinions and I have mine and I can live with that, as long as they don't criticize too much (and I haven't encountered people who were really offensive just because of that). :) The same on my opinion on the "soul" part, although my opinions in that topic is a bit hard to explain.

Basically, I think it is all up to the owners whether or not the dolls have a soul or not. I think there is a difference in the actions of those who love their dolls (as if they are living) and those who love their dolls because they like customizing them or dressing them up or some other technical stuff/use like that. Before, I was really into thinking that Shuri, my first doll, was alive and had a soul but it wore off, gradually. I used to feel horrible because I don't treat them the same anymore. I mean, I still love them and I still consider them having a "soul" in a way, but I have accepted that they are also just dolls, just inanimate objects that, without me, would be just some random, pretty molded piece of resin. :)

[Sammie-Ma]

It like this, I love my dolls and I know they are DZ and Bobobie's so far. All of my MSD's and SD's are from China. (The 27 cm dolls I have are from Japan.) If you love a doll and you know how much you want to spend you must take a stand to buy this and be happy or sit without a doll.

[Amet]

I get aggravated with those people who try to make assumptions about what kind of person I am based on what company my dolls are from. Because seriously, what?

I also get really annoyed about the dolls and sexuality thing. Not because people assume my dolls are gay (they are, anyway), but because people will hand me dolls at meetups and quickly add the addendum that "he/she is straight, I swear!" Yes, my dolls are gay. Please don't assume that means I want to porn all of yours. I really don't. :tantrum

[Memai]

I'm afraid of people assuming my dolls are in some sort of lolicon relationship D: The BF May I plan to get is a May, while her supposed crush/boyfriend is a 58/60cm Dollmore boy D: I guess that's what's tricky about the 60/45 relationships, but I don't have a choice if my girl is a small thing to begin with (and older than the boy no doubt).

[NightWatch]

Hm. Okay. My doll is male and he was never meant to be very girly. Amusingly enough, Luts decided he should have extremely girly face-up so there. So when people mistake him as a female, I don't mind because I acknowledge that he's girly looking.

Then there's MSDs. The thing is...if they're next to an SD, they look small and of child-height. So even if I had a 200 year old in an MSD but someone thought it was 12, I wouldn't really be bothered because the appearance is that of a 12 year old. So on, so forth.

When it comes to people outside the hobby, I'm very much less bothered by how they perceive dolls because some aspects of this hobby is very hard to grasp unless you're part of the hobby and are used to all of it.

[Sola]

Eh, not so much. The entire function of a doll is for a human to project their thoughts, feeling, and fantasies onto, so if other people do that to my dolls, even if i don't find their thoughts particularly appealing or flattering, they're simply doing what a doll is intended to do. It doesn't bother me.


Now, when they classify, label, or make assumptions about me because of the dolls - :| That is another story altogether. But, again, it is something that humans will do in their endless quest to break the wide world down into parts small enough for them to swallow and understand.

[Songblade]

It's odd, the assumptions I get are... well, I don't hear 'em at least. But it's hard to talk to other BJD owners to assume I'm as much into my BJDs as they are. I... don't do half as much, I am okay with letting them sit on a shelf for display purposes. I put them away when we have parties. I don't walk around with them all the time in public when I go out. I don't call them my children or want to collect 50 or make photostories or all sorts of things I feel I'm "expected" to do. And to show up at a convention and try to talk to people is hard when "casual" doll conversation is impossible. Though I happily dyed my latest doll... was that obsessive?

as for Chucky dolls, heck, *I* felt like that when I first looked into this hobby, but not anymore. It's hard not to have initial assumptions about the hobby before you research, I guess. But if I hear a Chucky comment, I simply turn my dolls' heads towards the speaker and they run off. Bother them.

[PancakeGenocide]

I own several dolls that come along with stereotypes. The most obvious is my El. I bought him long before I had even heard of Den of Angels, and had never seen any owner pictures or anything. I thought he was the most lovely thing ever.

And then I joined DoA, and discovered that everyone and their mom has one. I was a little upset at first, but it doesn't bother me any more. I'm mostly amused by all of the gay El stereotypes.

[LIBRA]

I really never have had my dolls or myself stereotyped because of owning dolls. Most everyone I know has actually liked them to a point. They think Im a little silly for spending that sort of money...
I really dont have any boy molds people could mistaken as girls, except for Arete...mostly becuase I have a girl of the same mold. People get a little bewildered on that one and mix the two up, despite the completely different faceups.
I do think, however, that i probably would get upset if I and my dolls were stereotyped, becuase it hasnt really happened in two years of ownership...

[PawPaw]

It only really bothers me when people are rude about these sort of things. Many people do assume my MSDs are children, but Karo is 17 and Bedwyn is 19. I just have short characters. xD They often do get mistaken for girls, but unless I'm talking to another doll person that understands, I usually let it go. I've had friends turn against me for stuff like that, and honestly, it's probably silly for me to worry about it.. cause if they turn against me for something so silly, they weren't real friends to begin with. But here I go veering off topic. XD But no, it doesn't bother me as long as they're nice.

[MieAga]

The assumption that bugs me from non-doll people: "It reminds me of Chucky!" Oh get over yourself already. If my doll happen to come alive and try to kill you. You'd be darn lucky to die to something this darn cute!

The assumption that bugs me from new doll people: "If it's not name brand, then is sucks!" Um hellooo, the world ain't black and white love. Besides how many dolls have you played with to make up that assumption? What you don't own one?! Well you sure have a solid case of comparison there!

The assumption that bugs me from regular ol' doll people: "Oh, it's not Volks! Eww!" This was said at a doll meet by the way. I realize that not everyone is elitist. It's the few bad apples that ruin it for the rest of us. But this is seriously damaging behavior to a 'doll community'.

The assumption that bugs me from ME!: "Volks = Over priced/Snob" Now isn't that sad! Here I am letting other people dictate my opinion of a doll company! Proves I'm no better than those that thumb their nose at my dolls while bushing their Volk's doll's hair. It's a nasty circle...I need to get over it.

[lemonsky]

My friends threw me the 'omg it's one of those sex dolls like on that Japanese documentary isn't it?! omgg pedophile!!'. ^^; It didn't bug me until they kept saying it over and over in my face. O.o;

[aernath]

I'm 39, married over 15 years, and have no children - by choice.
So my sudden hoard has people wondering if my "mothering instincts are finally coming out."


>.> Bite me.
XD

[Brightfires]

Oh, I just hate that one.

I'm in the same boat, Aernath... 38, married for 11 years, childless by choice and pretty adamant in that decision... But every once in awhile I'll still get the old "Why don't you just have a baby, dearie?" from someone who's seen or been told about my dolls. 'Usually well-meaning but otherwise clueless women around my mother's age.

If I'd wanted kids, I'd have had kids.
My dolls are not some attempt at a substitute.

They're toys.

But no... Just because I'm female and middle-aged, it's just GOT to be all about my "Biological Clock" for these gals. It can't posssibly just be a hobby. >_<

[MelWong]

I'm a Volks fan mostly because I like the childish body sculpts. My dolls are kind of an attempt to create the idyllic (okay, not-so-much, more idealized) teenage life a broken family and domestic abuse never let me have.

So they're 14, they're friends, and they do homework and hang out together. That makes the SD and SD13 bodies incredibly appropriate for the dolls I do have in mind.

This leads to me running into the "Volks Owners Are Rich/Snobs" myth online from time to time. I haven't encountered any of it IRL, fortunately. I have encountered, though, the "Show me a dollfie and I'll show you the years' wages of someone in a Third World country" attitude.

I don't like that, as it implies I'm profligate and selfish. What about people casually tossing the equivalent of a month's wages at a movie? I skip movies, don't watch television (and save on cable), cook my own meals (yummy, too) and mend my own clothes so I can save up for my dolly indulgences. I'm not exactly stealing charity money from someone who desperately needs it just because I'm in this hobby.

I haven't bumped into it in person yet as my only doll's a girl, but I am a little uncomfortable with the "Your boy doll must be gay!" attitude, probably because my boys, when I do get them, will be 14. I mean, I'm fully aware they start getting interesting sensations about other people at that point in time. I was 14 years old once. I'd just prefer if they were allowed to be themselves, instead of figures in someone's wank-fantasy. It's sad enough young ladies are so incredibly sexualized in modern culture - I suppose doing so to young men would be fair, in an amputating-his-leg-because-I-lost-mine sort of way.

I don't like the implications for body image, too, especially when some people complain Volks boy bodies are too "chubby" and that some etiolated ectomorph bishonen sculpt is normal. I don't like it already when it's done to females in the media. I don't think it should be done to guys, too.

- Mel

[jinjur]

Oh, I just hate that one.

I'm in the same boat, Aernath... 38, married for 11 years, childless by choice and pretty adamant in that decision... But every once in awhile I'll still get the old "Why don't you just have a baby, dearie?" from someone who's seen or been told about my dolls. 'Usually well-meaning but otherwise clueless women around my mother's age.

If I'd wanted kids, I'd have had kids.
My dolls are not some attempt at a substitute.

They're toys.

But no... Just because I'm female and middle-aged, it's just GOT to be all about my "Biological Clock" for these gals. It can't posssibly just be a hobby. >_<

I've had this kind of comment too. I find it really rude. The doll people I have met so far have been
very nice and friendly. My friends who aren't into
dolls are confused, they don't see the attraction. I
hadn't gone looking for dolls, my friend introduced
me to them. I found them amazing sculptures, so
I owned my first girl without knowing anything about
the hobby. Some people have been unkind but for me, that says more about them than my dolls or me.
I am less than thrilled when people project 'their'
ideas on to my girl. So ok, yes it does bother me
a bit.
Some people are completely taken with them until
they hear the price LOL

[Sakura]

I've been in this hobby merely to enjoy having pretty dolls and dressing them in things I can't ever wear but I get bothered by the assumptions that I'm reverting in age and it's not very "grown-up" for my age.

[Happy.Knot]

I was once told to my face that I was mistreating my doll because I wasn't "socialising" it. That was perhaps the most shocking assumption I've ever had to personally face when it came to my own doll.

[Artemille]

I own several dolls that come along with stereotypes. The most obvious is my El. I bought him long before I had even heard of Den of Angels, and had never seen any owner pictures or anything. I thought he was the most lovely thing ever.

And then I joined DoA, and discovered that everyone and their mom has one. I was a little upset at first, but it doesn't bother me any more. I'm mostly amused by all of the gay El stereotypes.

That happened to me before I even joined DoA. A girl in my photo class who has more dolls than me immediately went, "Eww, everyone has one of them!" when I told her I ordered one. I think she liked him a bit more when I got him because he had a custom faceup and I said he was straight.

I hate when people assume my two male dolls are a gay couple. The characters their based off of are brothers, 18 and 14. Now with a small girl doll, people not involved in the hobby even go, "Aww, they had a baby!" She's not even related.

[Moony]

Is it possible for someone not to stereotype a doll or an owner?

I try my best and hardest not to generalize and assume things about people and their dolls until I've met them personally ( or heard enough of the same thing from a good amount of people, even then I don't really. ).

Which is funny because alot of these stereotypes were going to be poked at in a dollie story me and my boyfriend are writing.

Anyways - I tend to have dolls that are hard to classify ( though alot of people assume Shushu's are mischeivious sorts or ethereal sorts , meh. ) ... Thoug hI have noticed that it's hard to convince someone what the doll's "character age" is. ( Like MSDs "Dude, she's like 13." "... With huge bewbs?" "... Um, duh." e_e )

[Agnes]

I'm with Kim and Amet: it's not the assumptions about the dolls, it's the assumptions about me as a person based on my collecting dolls. Non-doll people assume collecting dolls is something to fill the empty, empty void created by not having meaningful social connections. Some doll people assume having same-gender dolls in relationships is something to fill the empty, empty void created by fear of engaging in my own heterosexuality (what), or trend-jumping. If it's not the status quo, it's immediately labeled as an abnormal expression of oneself, and of course if it's abnormal there must be some screwed-up psychology behind it.

Also my father kept trying to convince my sister about two years ago that my acquiring of dolls and pets was a sign of biological urges to have a baby. (hint: NO)

[ruaki]

I was once told to my face that I was mistreating my doll because I wasn't "socialising" it. That was perhaps the most shocking assumption I've ever had to personally face when it came to my own doll.

... hahaha, that is awesome. I mean, just... wow. I can't even express any words just how ... off-kilter that assumption is! :dance

While I haven't actually have any assumptions made about my own dolls (to my knowledge) beyond some young kid seeing one of my dolls in a store and going "Now THAT is freaky" (and I just cheeked it up with him--I'm well aware a lot of people are turned off by dolls and it's not my business to change their mind), a lot of the things people are saying here I have seen around forums and at cons and with Average Joe and the like... so nothing really new beyond the same, tired stereotypes.

Well, that one right there, Happy Knot, has got to be the first time I have ever seen that. :dance

That's just awesomely hilarious. Seriously, thanks for sharing that. I have to wonder at your reaction once you got over the shock though. I mean, how do you seriously reply to something like that?

As for the topic...
Like many of you, assumptions about my dolls don't bother me, as they don't actually affect my dolls. Their characters aren't going to change cause someone insists they're gay or they're emo or they're knockoffs/rares and are better/less for it. And it's not my quest to change their mind, cause my dolls are to entertain me first and foremost, and if they're so presumptious to think they know my dolls better than I do, well, that's the more power to them. They're obviously not out to be entertained by what I have to offer from my dolls, but looking for either their own self-gratification or to create their own fantasy vicariously. Hey, whatever. I got the real thing, right here baby. This is what's canon.

... thank goodness I don't actually have this problem though. lol

As for assumptions about me as a doll owner...

Eh. It's the same as with my dolls. Their assumptions won't change me as a person and I'm not on a quest to be friends with the entire world. Yeah, I wouldn't mind winning them over in the end, cause I'm also not out to be the world's enemy, but if they wanna think I'm wasting money on hunks of plastic instead of ... say, tinkering up old cars or collecting coins or buying a PS3, then hey. That's okay. I'm secure in the knowledge that I'm not wasting my money. I'm secure in who I am and in my motives for this hobby. blah blah etc. etc. ad nauseum.

Honestly, you're going to encounter this no matter what you deal in because we're humans and we are very opinionated, especially if it's something we're passionate about or something we're vastly ignorant about. I think all that matters is how you react to it and how you deal with it emotionally.



tl;dr: eh to assumptions and lol Happy Knot's example was awesome hardcore.

[Merry]

I don't like the implications for body image, too, especially when some people complain Volks boy bodies are too "chubby" and that some etiolated ectomorph bishonen sculpt is normal. I don't like it already when it's done to females in the media. I don't think it should be done to guys, too.

- Mel

(rather belated response)

This is a good example of people assuming a certain body type is fat, young, sexy, not sexy, what have you when it comes to dolls. As it so happens the Volks SD13 body is an almost spot-on model of my 27 year old husband's physique...with some minor changes such as the length of the legs (a bit long on the dolls). Probably not surprisingly, my husband is also of Japanese descent. Westerners will never get over that Japanese people, generally speaking, look younger overall. So a 'chubby' and 'childish' looking SD13 male body in fact can look like that of a full grown Japanese man. And the 13 year old me, way back when, could only wish I knew 13 year old guys shaped like that! Unfortunately, the 'ages' Volks have assigned to their doll types aren't particularly accurate. For instance, I think it must be pretty darn rare for a ten year old girl to display as much bosom as an SD10 girl.

Slight tangent, I know a photographer who takes a lot of nude/semi-nude photos of Japanese women and he's always getting hounded that the women can't possibly be of age because they haven't got huge boobs, tiny waists and noticeable hips. Well, again, that's a Western ideal and not how Japanese women tend to be shaped! My mother in law, in fact, is downright girlish by Western standards! So that makes her...underage, somehow?

Anyway, assumptions made regarding body shape vs age annoy me to no end. People of all ages are shaped all sorts of ways...not just according to Western or yaoi manga ideals.

[Happy.Knot]

I have to wonder at your reaction once you got over the shock though. I mean, how do you seriously reply to something like that?

The person who said that to me was a friend so I had no negative response. We had different views of the dolls. I politely explained that I wanted to keep mine safe.
While I do not view my doll as a being, sometimes it is a drag that I can't display it outside of my room. I have room mates though and I had the doll displayed in the livingroom before - where I caught the room mates and their friends handling it like it was a toy. Obviously "socialising" the doll is not a good idea. Heh!

[MelWong]

(rather belated response)

I kind of fall in the middle of the whole body image thing. I'm Chinese and have a rounded face, a cute little nose, you know, the stereotype.

Without makeup and in jeans and t-shirt I get carded all the time. People assume I'm 15 when I'm actually going to be 26 this year.

I'm also not the "standard" slim, fair, bustless Asian female. My family's full of big-boned women - my wrists are pretty bony and measure over six inches around. We're all relatively dark-skinned, hippy and stocky and I'm a 42 DD, and when I lived in Asia there was a lot of pressure to look like the stereotype.

And now when I live here I keep running into the whole "delicate lotus blossom" thing. A close friend of my husband's assumed I was a mail order bride because I came from another country, and our physician first asked my husband to come into the examination room with me, because he assumed I couldn't speak English. :damnit

So I guess the body standard/race/culture construct and how it's viewed in the media annoys me, and I get even more annoyed when I see it being applied to dolls. I do worry it might fuel unhealthy behavior especially when some of the people who are involved in the hobby are quite young.

I spent years hating myself for not looking right, and I still have pangs of body image self-hatred. I'd not like it to go further.

- Mel

[koi]

I find it really annoying when people assume that these dolls are sex toys and therefore, people who collect them are sexual deviants. The few people who have seen my dolls were "surprised" that my dolls were clothed. I guess I have to keep all dolls naked or in full fledged bondage. I just need to find my whip, I've misplaced it somewhere... :| Also, the perception that my male dolls are automatically gay and a couple is just :(

[Merry]

I kind of fall in the middle of the whole body image thing...
- Mel

Oh gods...I think I'd punch that doctor in the face! Okay, maybe at least be searching for a new doctor after that. At any rate, I'd be insulted and furious and I'd let him know! I'm sure you did. ;)

I also agree...it's crazy how much culture puts pressure on people to fit certain stereotypes. Not just physically, either. Nowadays people look back, hold their noses up and call things like foot and forehead binding 'primitive'...but isn't the psychological pressure that modern cultural stereotypes put on people just as cruel in its own way? People all too easily dismiss damage done to one's self-esteem. We're just supposed to 'get over it'...but, in reality, it's not nearly that easy.

At any rate, I would hope that people who own ABJD realize that these are idealized figures. They may be more 'realistic' than a Barbie but that doesn't make them any more real.

[ruaki]

The person who said that to me was a friend so I had no negative response. We had different views of the dolls. I politely explained that I wanted to keep mine safe.
While I do not view my doll as a being, sometimes it is a drag that I can't display it outside of my room. I have room mates though and I had the doll displayed in the livingroom before - where I caught the room mates and their friends handling it like it was a toy. Obviously "socialising" the doll is not a good idea. Heh!

Hahahaha, well at least it was a friend. That sort of presumptuousness might've even been a bit tongue in cheek, even with the differing views, and I think you handled it well either way. I was totally thinking it was some stranger at at a meetup or something by your description, who was just simply appalled that your doll was a hikkimori.

My (former) roommate is terrified of my dolls--namely because he's afraid he'd damage them. He accidentally did some major damage to my El and I think it sort of traumatized him. He honestly treats them a helluva lot more carefully than I do, so I always stick him on doll watch whenever I'm at meetups. (Axel tends to "walk" around. x.x)

My dolls don't get out too much either. I'd like to bring them out, but sometimes it's just a hassle to deal lugging them around all the time or making sure they're not gonna walk off or break an arm or something. "Socializing" is overrated! :dance

[girlwholived]

I'm a Volks fan mostly------leads to me running into the "Volks Owners Are Rich/Snobs" myth online from time to time. I haven't encountered any of it IRL, fortunately.

- Mel

When I first got into the hobby I intended to only own CP sculpts or unlimited dolls from the Korean companies because they were less expensive than I saw Volks going.

I also knew at least one individual who came off to those who did not know her any better as a Volks-snob, even I would mistake her intentions because I did not understand where she was coming from as a collector. Since I came into the community portion of the hobby I read about this so-called snobbery from those who collect almost or entirely Volks exclusive. It was said so many times that I began to see it where it was not always found.

Present day: Most of my collection is exclusively Volks. I switched for a variety of reasons. Now-a-days when someone asks "what doll should I get for this&that look" or "what doll would be good for ________ character" I can only recommend Volks most of the time because now it is the company I am the most familiar with.

The only non-Volks dolls I own are CP limiteds. And the only non-Volks dolls I know anything about are the older CP sculpts, both limiteds and regulars. This is because I only owned older CP sculpts and when I was into CP I read up quite a bit of CP's history, but only as far as it's older limiteds and the oldest of it's regulars. The rest of my knowledge is sketchy. I could recite a few pieces of information on a small handful of other companies, but my knowledge and experience with these companies pale in comparison to what I have had with Volks.

It is no lie that I prefer Volks. My preference evolved when I shifted the ideal for my collection to a more shared look. After owning several Volks I have come to the conclusion that I enjoy their quality.

But, I do appreciate the aesthetics of other companies. Despite the various issues I had with the sculpt I loved my Lahoo when I owned him, and if the real opportunity to own a Tan Lahoo (or imagine an Elf version *_*) came up I would take it, just so I could have a unique Lahoo to own again. I appreciate many of the sculpts by Latidoll, I even plan to someday to own a White or Yellow Pury. Specifically I love Uni-doll's Uni-03 (at one point I considered her for the character that is now my Jun T), the Dollshe girls (such a unique look! O.O!), Souldoll's Asiter, and other dolls.

I'd love to own more dolls outside of Volks, if only to experience other companies and play with other dolls that are not CP Delf or Volks.

However, my resources are limited and the primary section of my collection come first, and it is these dolls that must be Volks so that they will look good together... or at least in my opinion.

Don't worry, I have a point to this long babble!

My point is that people assume that I own my Volks because I am a "snob." I joke around with my closest friends that I am a Volkist, but it just because it is my favourite company to own personally.

It does bother me when people look at my Volks dolls and make assumptions on them because the Volks are the majority.

On the same line of having Volks dolls fall victim assumptions is other's perception of their value, whether original or market value. For two of my Volks I paid a considerable amount for them, or so in some people's eyes. In reality both was not bad at all, considering how much they go for on the secondhand market. As a Volks collector I know that they cost more and the secondhand market also demands more, but I hate it when I am told that I was ripped off or that I paid too much. That is up to me to decide, and I have never paid more than I felt a doll was worth; that does not mean that I have not paid more than I would have liked, but what I would have liked is unreasonable for the market value. :P

Specific doll I own that has fallen under assumptions that bother me is my CP Shiwoo Elf.

I have had a lot of people make assumptions of his character or personality because of his mould. I have had individuals assume that his character is a brat. I do not know if Because he is a rare and older CP limited he is hard to come by and often costs considerable amount, or because they may be under the impression that most Shiwoo Elf characters are bratty.

It is one of those crazy things where someone will "speak for" my character, and it sounds nothing like him. They assume the character associated with the doll before asking... and sometimes they just don't listen, even after I have taken the time to mention a few choice words to describe him.

I do not like the assumptions made about dolls with bodies that were female that had been modded. I have read many complaints about this because of a stereotype that is both perpetrated by those seen as responsible for setting off this trend.

I have a doll in progress that I already know will have assumptions made about my choice to have it's body modded. These assumptions have been/will be made just because it's a "girl" modded body. However, I can say that I have been planning this doll and it's mods for over a year, when the Girl-body-to-body was not quite as popular.

My reasons are because of the character. Oh, and "he" (the doll I mentioned) is fully transgendered male with centuries to mutilate his undead body into a corset (feminine) form and fleshcraft (magic) to morph his legs into a longer proportion with his torso. His body is being modified so I can sometimes dress him in simple boyish clothes and illustrate how his disfigured body now looks in more masculine clothes. He is also not emo, or gothic, and wears full-length attire. To those unaware of his true gender he is unmistakably a "woman." Centuries of practice. Oh, and he is heterosexual. For now he will keep his default Shirou T face up, which is androgynous in aesthetics like the Shirou mould. When/if I have her face up changes I know I will request something as androgynous as the Shirou T face up.

The assumptions that bother me in the doll community the most is that of stereotypes. While I may quietly agree with some about how an individual doll falls directly into this negative stereotype they'd rather not see, I am bothered with assumptions are applied without further investigation into why a doll owner did something.

[Cold.April.Sky]

I live in Asia. And I'm not Asian. And I look younger than my real age - and I get a lot negativity from people here, so the same way Asian people get in USA or wherever...
I dislike people who care about dolls as they r human beings and treat humans as they r dolls or something. I do think this kind of people weird

[Silvia]

There's too little chance for non-doll people making assumptions about my dolls, cause I seldom talk about them...
I hide this hobby even from my close, non-doll friends. you know, they only know dolls = money.

[nena]

In an odd twist -- the majority of my dolls are straight. I have one femme boy who isn't, and a friend was putting her girl doll in his lap and trying to convince me he was otherwise ^^; It was kind of strange to me that she was being so adamant about his gender preferences being straight, especially as she is bisexual herself ^^;

[KeiCai]

Normally assumptions about my dolls or me as a person don't bother me, as I don't get them often at all. Recently though I had someone from my Ethics class tell me I was too old to be collecting dolls (I'm 18), and from his following questions and the tone of his voice it was apparent he was psycho-analyzing me and my hobby. It was rather uncomfortable and I had to resist the urge to be extremely rude/snarky in my replies. =_=

I also tend to get quite a few assumptions about my MSD boys, Mio and Gage. Most people assume that, because they have romantic feelings toward each other, they are automatically in a sexual relationship. This often surprises me because I tend to make it known they're only 13/14 and are still very awkward about said feelings.

[Kittybee]

When I used to have my Dollstown Hue, people would always call him a "British Punk Rocker"...but he wasn't, at all. He wasn't supposed to be British, he wasn't a punk, he wasn't a rocker. It did bother me that people called him that because I provided no reason for him to be labeled that way. Just a little confused how people say that even after I correct them, haha.

[bakayaro onna]

Hmm...

I am not fond of people calling my dolls 'my kids'. If anything, I'm just their landlady. Maybe an adopted aunt. It used to really bother me but now I just deny it and laugh. I'm childless by choice and these are not my babies. They're pieces of art.

All my guys, no matter what size, are adults, and interact as adults separately and together. I don't seem to have any problem with the local group assuming they're younger than adults, as far as I know. Who knows what people on the various forums think.

It used to bother me when meetup folks put Chikara, one of my guys I know isn't interested in ANY kind of relationship with any gender, into compromising positions with another doll. It doesn't anymore. They want to take pictures, so I chill.

My Hound gets into the Emo Dollshe slouch and everyone, even locals, start calling him emo. He's not, but I let them say that. It's amusing.

I am used to Shuichi being mistaken for a girl even though he's usually in jeans and a teeshirt - his faceup and head sculpt is beautiful. When someone comments on any of my guys being girls, I smile and say, "He's a guy, and has the resin to prove it."

I know I've been talked about in negative terms on another forum about being crazy for having dolls representing the two main Gravitation characters in different sizes. I don't see anything wrong with having multiple dolls of the same guys. Sure, they are all based on the same cartoon people but each 'set' has unique qualities that don't follow the anime/manga canon. Each Shuichi is a different personality as is each Eiri. My doll friends think it's just sour grapes.

[harlowe]

Hmm...

I am not fond of people calling my dolls 'my kids'.

Yeah, I don't either because in some contexts it even feels a bit creepy. When people are saying it light-heartedly, that's cool. But sometimes it feels a bit over-the-top ookie.

[Sirius]

I understand why people find them creepy so I don't mind. :P

[Kogepan]

I don't mind, nor do I really care. Oh, I'm sure there are those people who really do want to be mean about the fact that an adult is interested in dolls and imply this or that about me, the doll owner. That would annoy me. But if they misunderstand or make assumptions about not me, but my dolls? No big deal. If you like them, hate them, think they're funny looking or overpriced - that's a valid opinion. You don't have to see my dolls as I do. Hey, maybe I don't think highly of your hobbies either (or fashion sense or whatever), but we can still get along.

I guess my point is, there is a divide between my interests and me. If someone doesn't understand or like my interests, that's cool; I don't want to be surrounded by clones who have the exact same tastes and opinions as I do, anyway. If someone doesn't understand or like me, or insults me, based on their knowledge/ignorance of my interests - then we're probably not going to get along, so it's best to just leave each other alone.

[bugland]

when i got into the hobby, there was a lot of hullabaloo over the "cheaper" brands of BJD (it seems to have mostly died down now). one thing that really used to bother me was the way some people would instantly pass judgment on my finances and the quality/beauty of my dolls, because they were DZ. at my very first doll meet, i was egregiously insulted by a complete stranger who had liked my doll very much until she found out What He Was. i got very angry at the time, but have since learned to just walk away.

i used to get a lot of weird looks from non-doll people when i took my guys out to lunch or whatever (now that there's four of them, i don't do this so much- there isn't room at the table). but then, i tend to get weird looks regardless :)

and of course my dolls aren't my kids. if i had kids, they certainly wouldn't be 45cm tall and made of resin. nor am i trying to compensate for my lack of biological offspring. if i want to play with children, i'll go over to my friend C's house. i do sometimes i call them "my guys", in the generic sense, but only when speaking to people who have dolls themselves. otherwise it's all with the questions i haven't the patience to answer anymore...

[Sammie-Ma]

when i got into the hobby, there was a lot of hullabaloo over the "cheaper" brands of BJD (it seems to have mostly died down now). one thing that really used to bother me was the way some people would instantly pass judgment on my finances and the quality/beauty of my dolls, because they were DZ. at my very first doll meet, i was egregiously insulted by a complete stranger who had liked my doll very much until she found out What He Was. i got very angry at the time, but have since learned to just walk away.

i used to get a lot of weird looks from non-doll people when i took my guys out to lunch or whatever (now that there's four of them, i don't do this so much- there isn't room at the table). but then, i tend to get weird looks regardless :)

and of course my dolls aren't my kids. if i had kids, they certainly wouldn't be 45cm tall and made of resin. nor am i trying to compensate for my lack of biological offspring. if i want to play with children, i'll go over to my friend C's house. i do sometimes i call them "my guys", in the generic sense, but only when speaking to people who have dolls themselves. otherwise it's all with the questions i haven't the patience to answer anymore...

I so feel you pain. I am a China ABJD person and I have felt some of the "dollie bigotry" more than once. Most BJD collectors are nice to my DZ' and Bobobies. I had to place my DZ Hid next to one of the CP's at a meet up to show the two CP owner how beautiful he was. At least that is how I felt because I noticed the CP people were only looking at each others CP's *_*! Now there were other expensive dolls there to and those owners were loving on ALL of the dolls. In fact two of the owners had several brands of Korean BJD's and some Bobobies of their own.:clap

[flpinkboxsociety]

Ok first i owe some apologies, because i often tell my live family about my resin "kidz" so if i have used this term with others, please accept my apologies, i definatley mean no offense at all. In the small group i used to run with it was kindof regular talk for the BJDs in our collections, so i guess i never realized. Sorry for that.

My only pet peeve is when i have been told by others i am addicted because i usually have something on the way, maybe a doll, maybe a doll related item(s). I work really hard, and my money is really to be honest mine to do with as i like. Like some of you have said, i made a good decision by sheer luck at a crucial time, and my career choice worked out in my favor... (yeah i know the profile says housewife... i manage our rentals as well, its kinda what my hubby would call a given for my job description)
Sometimes i wish they would pay as much attention to their dolls as their opinions of my finances lol... sadly i have lost two pals this way. guess the old addage is true, want to end a good friendship, discuss money! I hope everyone had a great memorial day, and if i have used the kidz thing with you, know i will def stop going forward!

[yiesha]

When I first started to have my Natsu (my first doll), I used to bring him to office very frequent because of a certain reason that I cannot let him alone in the house... They kept on saying that my Natsu is a metrosexual guy, who falls into the gay side... I was pretty angry about it! I know that it's pretty true, that my Natsu is a metrosexual gay - he's a model, of cuz he takes care of his looks all the time, but then, they dont even know their story lines. They dont even know why and what, randomly say that he is a gay eventhough he dont really wear any weird shiny clothing at all... he looks normal! :mad:mad

There's even people who say that my Natsu is a robot like.. "hey...is that a robot?" It makes me go *_* some people's eyes are sooo unpredictable.

After I got megumi, whenever they ask "eiii...is he a girl or boy?" I always say "Up to you. If you want him girl, he is a girl. If you want him a boy, he's a boy". lol. I started to get lazy to argue or whats not. Guess that statement shut them out the easiest :p

[chantrune]

I also take issue to people (that includes immediate family as well) saying my dolls are my 'kids.' They are in-no-way like that to me.

I find that many people are not open-minded to this hobby, so I am careful who I tell, and how much I tell them. My brother doesn't GET this, and proceeds to tell his friend about them (and my LJ before i locked it), but he doesn't know details, so I'm sure he's mucked it all up.

I've told one of my friends, and they came with me to my first meetup (back in 2007), but just this past weekend, he made a bad joke in asking me about that first doll so I just answered him off-handedly and didn't tell him that I've purchased 4 more in the meantime.

Recently I told one of my classmates that I collect BJD, but I told her I only have one. I find myself very closed now that I've gotten first hand negativity/weirdness from people. It's very frustrating.

AND. Never tell someone how much a doll costs. I made that HORRID mistake with my mom when my first doll, an FCS MSD came home. She now rates the rest of my dolls against that first one when the following SD's and Tinies cost less that the custom doll. She's made a few very stupid comments.

My doll is not gay. Just because he has long white hair and a softer faceup does not make him gay. Nor should I need to show his junk to prove he is male. His muscled CHEST should be enough.

Apparently I have more annoyances from those around me than I thought. :sweat

[haku23]

Ok first i owe some apologies, because i often tell my live family about my resin "kidz" so if i have used this term with others, please accept my apologies, i definatley mean no offense at all. In the small group i used to run with it was kindof regular talk for the BJDs in our collections, so i guess i never realized. Sorry for that.



Yeah, I'm the same way. Quite a few people call them their "kids"(I refer to mine as my "my baby") so I have to apologize if I've ever said it to someone who doesn't like it ^^; I don't mean it in a way like "you have no kids so these dolls are fitting in for that" or anything...

The one thing I know that I'm going to get is "is he your boyfrienddddd?" from random hecklers. UH no. He's a DOLL. Dolls are not boyfriends. They may listen well but I like my men around the same height as me thank you XD I've gotten that while drawing too-no, I am not drawing myself a boyfriend. I have a fairly normal love life kthnxbai. :|

[lilie]

I also take issue to people (that includes immediate family as well) saying my dolls are my 'kids.' They are in-no-way like that to me.

I find that many people are not open-minded to this hobby, s


Recently I told one of my classmates that I collect BJD, but I told her I only have one. I find myself very closed now that I've gotten first hand negativity/weirdness from people. It's very frustrating.


Apparently I have more annoyances from those around me than I thought. :sweat

dont let the opinions of others put you off what gives you personal joy

[Agnes]

Yeah, I'm the same way. Quite a few people call them their "kids"(I refer to mine as my "my baby") so I have to apologize if I've ever said it to someone who doesn't like it ^^; I don't mean it in a way like "you have no kids so these dolls are fitting in for that" or anything...


I don't think it's something you should feel bad or apologetic about; just take the lead from whoever you are talking to on whether or not they like that term.

It happens with pets, too. I work with animals and sometimes their owners like being called "mom/dad" and sometimes they are weirded out by it so I usually say owner or person (like, "You're Fido's person, right?") I say kid if they consider the dog or cat their kid. ;)

[Covenmouse]

Mmm probably way too late to this discussion, but...

as a BJD n00b i have to say i did make a few assumptions when i first came across this hobby. The first was that i thought everyone took pictures of their dolls. XD I was actually rather surprised to find that some people don't, because I had come to consider that as a "mandatory" thing for BJDs. Is it really? of course not, but from an outsider's POV, it seems to be a huge staple. Other assumptions were made about the way that things were done. For instance, it took me about a week's research to realize that you actually can re-face a doll, and change out their bodies/wigs/etc.

That there are some people who don't make up personalities/stories for their dolls was also another shocker. Once again, it seemed as if that was the "thing to do" from the popular side of the hobby.

But, on the other hand,t here were a lot of things that I just shrugged at. For instance, having been an active RPer for years I took it for granted that when people discuss their doll's "lives" or "personalities" that, though they spoke as if the dolls were living beings, everyone understood as a given that they're just dolls. Are there people out there who really believe their dolls are alive? perhaps. But then again, I'm the weirdo who apologizes to my stuffed animals when I accidentally step on them. So, who am i to judge?

On the opposite side of it, people tend to make quick judgment calls and stick to them. Its a part of life and everyone does it, even when they don't realize they're doing it. So, i wouldn't begrudge someone their assumptions.. until they start getting into pig-headed argumentativeness.

[angeliclizard]

Since I'm new to the hobby (I've been into into for almost a year and I'm about to get my first doll, but i feel like I've been into this for barely any time) and I usually find myself asking question as opposed to making assumptions. If I really like someone else dolls, I look at their photo's and talk to them, letting them and the doll tell me things, not just making potentially offensive (or at least annoying) assumptions.

At this thread prepares me for this kind of things I may have to deal with once my girl gets here.

[DanceCat]

Well, what bothers me about other people's dolls is that you don't always get the concept of them. They have male dolls dressed as females and vice versa, they have dolls that may or may not have a sex at all or I guess are unisex. They have dolls that don't seem to make sense, like What it is??? An alien? A cyborg? etc.? :dead

We take for granted that because dolls are in human form that they must represent humans. It doesn't seem to be the case within the BJD world.

And to "Joe Bloggs" it's only natural to look at these dolls standing together in their various sizes and assume that each size represents an age bracket. Especially since the smaller sized dolls are fashioned like small children, they have very childish / babyish faces.
Because perhaps this Joe Bloggs is an expert on ships/boats/yachts, that
doesn't mean that when I look at boats that I see anything other than a big boat or a little boat. The only difference to me being that the bigger the boat the more people accommodated.

You never know what the person's idea is. You never know what they are trying to interpret through their dolls, so I'm finding out that when it comes to topics like this the best thing is to keep my mouth shut, or to try to see the topic from both sides. :whome

I will stop here.

[tehrin]

My parents will call my dolls my "kids". My mom constantly asks, "where are your kids today?" if they're not at my computer with me. It kinda irks me because I don't consider them to be my children. But I don't really say anything. I just smile and nod.

My dad has asked if my dolls have slept together. That was a very odd question. Again, just not acknowledge it.

Since I have a doll that's clearly a guy (he's got facial hair, and shorter hair, and a more masculine/adult sculpt) I don't get the "Aww she's so pretty!" thing. But people do assume that my guy and girl are together. If a BJD person asks, I politely inform them that they're just good friends. I've not gotten the "is he gay?" thing yet. He looks like a typical straight guy stereotype to me, but maybe that's just me.

My girl is an Angel of Dream. She does get ignored a good deal when people find out. But with the faceup I've given her, it's pretty hard to tell what she is right off the bat. People seem to like my guy more because he's from Soom, and they're really popular right now because of their MD's. It does bother me a little, because even though she is a lower cost mold, I think she's a beautiful girl. To me, it doesn't matter that she costs half as much as my guy. She suits the character I have for her very well and I'm happy with her. That's all that SHOULD matter.

The worst assumption is about money. I bought two dolls in a very short period of time. One is still on layaway, but I got to take her home with me from a convention. The other I paid the entire amount up front. So that's like $900 in about a month. Normally, I don't have that kind of money to spend. Hell, I rarely buy anything for myself. But I did have it on hand, and plenty set aside for other obligations and bills. I won't get getting anymore dolls until my other obligations are met and I get some other bills paid off. But people assume that I'm just dropping money left and right and being an irresponsible buyer... especially with the current economic situation.

Granted, I don't need my dolls anymore than the next guy needs his plasma screen TV, PS3... or the next girl needs a designer bag, shoes and sunglasses. But quite honestly, what I do with my money is my business. Normally, I save, but I should be allowed to treat myself to something really nice once in awhile if I've worked hard enough to deserve it.

[Gulwen]

I don't raley put so much in to what enyone els has to say about my dolls. im so just to peapole asking me stuff enyway i just ansers and smils. havent been to eny meetups so normaly its just peaple that never seen dolls like mine befor. Love the old Ladys thou they are so nice about hove pretty the dolls are atlest hear in japan, have to see what they say wen i com home... And i let everyone think juns a girl ore Cloud is a kid if they want to it dosn't bother me.

[Maverynthia]

I so feel you pain. I am a China ABJD person and I have felt some of the "dollie bigotry" more than once. Most BJD collectors are nice to my DZ' and Bobobies. I had to place my DZ Hid next to one of the CP's at a meet up to show the two CP owner how beautiful he was. At least that is how I felt because I noticed the CP people were only looking at each others CP's *_*! Now there were other expensive dolls there to and those owners were loving on ALL of the dolls. In fact two of the owners had several brands of Korean BJD's and some Bobobies of their own.:clap

What I find interesting is all those Luts-CP owners going "Oh Dollzone.. those cheap Chinese dolls!" However when you show them the price that DZ cost about the same or MORE than their pwecious-wescious Luts-CP then the following statement is always "Well, their ugly then." :P Really CP dolls from Luts are now the "Cheap Corean" dolls of the doll world.

I love my DZ ^^ I'm glad he was my first, I don't care what those Volks snobs think. Which I hate that it's assumed that because my first is DZ, that I somehow made a mistake. I'm sorry if the only good Volks dolls are FCS only and I don't want to get into that mucky-muck because I don't live near California nor Japan, nor want to pay $900 for one. I like choice in my life, and I can't think that those Volks people that say "I only like Volks sculpts." are being true when there are a dozen sculpts out there that look similar to Volks.
I just don't like the assumption of "Your less than because of the doll you own." The only people I feel are "less than" are the ones that are constantly flipping dolls just to be "fashionable". It makes me feel sad for the person that they have this need to fit in and sad for the doll that they are never really loved.

[Karhys]

What I find interesting is all those Luts-CP owners going "Oh Dollzone.. those cheap Chinese dolls!" However when you show them the price that DZ cost about the same or MORE than their pwecious-wescious Luts-CP then the following statement is always "Well, their ugly then." :P Really CP dolls from Luts are now the "Cheap Corean" dolls of the doll world.

I love my DZ ^^ I'm glad he was my first, I don't care what those Volks snobs think. Which I hate that it's assumed that because my first is DZ, that I somehow made a mistake. I'm sorry if the only good Volks dolls are FCS only and I don't want to get into that mucky-muck because I don't live near California nor Japan, nor want to pay $900 for one. I like choice in my life, and I can't think that those Volks people that say "I only like Volks sculpts." are being true when there are a dozen sculpts out there that look similar to Volks.
I just don't like the assumption of "Your less than because of the doll you own." The only people I feel are "less than" are the ones that are constantly flipping dolls just to be "fashionable". It makes me feel sad for the person that they have this need to fit in and sad for the doll that they are never really loved.

You do realise, I hope, that you're making exactly the same close-minded assumptions about other owners -- and about other dolls -- as you're complaining that they're making about you?

Your comments about "pwecious-wescious Luts-CP" and Luts being the "Cheap Corean" dolls of the doll world would be just as offensive to a Luts owner as their comments about "cheap Chinese dolls" are to you as a DZ owner.

Your comments about "Volks snobs" and how you don't believe that their statements about only like Volks sculpts are true, would be just as offensive to a Volks owner as the statements about how you buying a DZ must have been a mistake would be to you.

It's unfortunate that so many of these hang ups exist in the doll hobby, and I truly wish that they didn't -- but being upset about people having these hang ups when you are suffering from the exact same hang ups (just in reverse) seems a wee bit hypocritical to me.

Each and every doll company has its own uniqueness, its own quirks. Volks dolls are unique as Volks dolls. Luts dolls are unique as Luts dolls. DZ dolls are unique as DZ dolls. Soom dolls are unique as Soom dolls. I could go on for hours. The point is, we each of us see the differences, and we each of us see the things that do or don't attract us to a certain type of sculpt, a certain type of doll.

I don't cast aspersions on anyone for liking dolls from a particular company, and I don't cast aspersions on anyone for only liking dolls from one company. Everyone has different tastes, and I for one love that not only do we all have such varied tastes, but also that we are lucky enough to have so many options to choose from to fulfil them.

[Robomantic]

Wow, I don't even have my first doll yet, but I kinda just want to walk around with him when I get him and see what kinds of things people say! lol

As for the Chucky complex, I actually never thought that about bjds, but I always get the heebies from other types of dolls, like certain porcelains or antique dolls and...
well... reborns creep me out (just saying, lol). The thing is I'm not about to go up to a reborner and tell them that! Especially because I know they put a lot of work, money, and care into those dolls. They're just not my cuppa.

The other thing is that I'm a pretty outspoken person. I'm a big chick with tons of piercings and tattoos so I'm pretty used to rude comments, assumptions, and
ignorant question. Add to that the fact that I'm pagan and whooooo, I'm very used to dealing with this stuff, lol. I'm basically beyond the point of caring about people's opinions of me, my hobbies, etc. because if I did I'd be hiding
under a rock crying to this day, lol.

I've already had to explain to tons of people
that my future doll (DoD Homme Ducan) isn't a girl, but I do it with good humor because quite frankly many abjds are very androgynous. Heck I even plan on making him a dress and gettin him a girly wig just to see if he could pull of being a lady for a day, heh heh. I think I've gotten the "Is that a sex doll?" thing too, lol. Really people? Umm no I'm not gonna have sex with a doll that's not even two feet tall and doesn't have any proper junk to speak of, lol.

I still can't believe someone would straight up say, "That doll is hideous/creepy/gross!" I mean it really would be the same as insulting their clothing/ hairstyle/whatever
because both things are items chosen by the person who has them (usually) and an insult to that item is an insult to that person's taste and therefore an insult to that person.

Basically everyone makes little opinions about these things and dolls shouldn't be excluded, but most people realize that outright expressing these negative opinions can
be very rude and should consider that when they're referring to people's dolls too. So yeah.... there. lol

As for the money and status stereotypes, that's really lame. Quite frankly I had the choice to get a Volks for my first doll, but I wasn't really drawn to any of their
available dolls so I got Ducan instead (a Dollzone tan Yuu was another option I was considering and I've heard pretty good things about their resin, body molds, etc). I think it's best if people just go by what they like and not what it costs (within their own financial limits of course), and that
seems to be what most people do here, based on the comments. Now if I could get ahold of a Scarface Cecile, I would and not because he would be some kind of
status symbol but because I pretty much fell for him the instant I saw him long before I was aware there was that stigma attached to him, lol. For the most part it's
just that people choose to spend there money differently. We spend our hard earned/saved money on dolls while someone else might buy expensive clothes,
makeup, movies, videogames/systems, etc. Or amongst my friends it'd beMagic Cards, Warhammer, World of Warcraft, etc., lol. (Sad thing is I spend money on
one of those too.... just not as much... lol).

Okay, /end rambling. Sorry I thought of lots of stuff to say while reading 5 pages of responses... ahem. lol

[ellynor]

I have had people ask me questions, but I can't say that anyone has labelled my dolls in a way that would upset me. People are more prone to labelling me. Sometimes, I don't understand why a guardian might dress a male doll in a frilly pink dress or has chosen a particular personality for a doll, so I ask. I also take the time to explain to a question of the creativity behind the doll. The one thing I usually do not discuss is price.

[CherryChansGifts]

I think I would be annoyed by someone making assumptions of my dolls. I don't want someone saying that my boy looks like a girl...and I don't want someone saying "Oh, its another one of them Japanese...anime things" I've had someone say that and it is quite annoying. I dunno, I really want to educate people about BJDs, but I don't like it when they make assumptions instead of ask questions first...

[Blizzard]

I think the biggest thing I run into is people asking if they "Are for something" ... Like what? Like Keys are for locks or spoons for eatting? I guess! I've just taken to telling them they are characters for stories I write...which IS true to varrying degrees.

[gelfling21]

People think in generalities in everyday life. It's easier to label and categorize people and things than to take a deeper look. But there are some assumptions that bother me:

In the doll world, someone who makes a disparaging remark to me or someone else about my doll's height (60.5 cms) or his 'personality', clothing, make, etc., needs to learn manners. It's rude. That's all. No excuse for rudeness, especially in a person anywhere above the age of 12 who is likely to be criticized themselves by someone equally insensitive. The mini owner at the mall who cried out "Oh my god, he's too big! I would never own something like that!" in a loud, disdainful voice did more to embarrass herself than me. But unfortunately she focused everyone's attention onto me.

As for those not in the doll world, especially friends, it is difficult when your friends give you that smirk and say "He's got you for a mother," or "Oh, I see... he's like your child!." These are the same people who call their cats their 'babies' and who talk to plants. They see nothing wrong with that, but they looked at me as though I have lost a few marbles.

[anoniemouse]

Assumptions about my doll are okay because ultimately I don't want to explain it, and they probably don't want to know. At least most of the non-doll people I've ran into. Oh, she's so cute (... it's a he) oh what an adorable couple (they're just friends) whatever. It doesn't matter, it's just something people say like asking how you are or something. If they're new to dolls again, meh doesn't matter, they're learning.

But assumptions about me. Yeah different story. I love the "Oh that's so expensive how can you like that?" *rolls eyes* or how Juvenile I must be. I have yet to meet anyone under 13 into ABJDs and most are 18+ :angry

As for people making assumptions about what kind of person, I am based on what kind of doll I own. Don't they have better things to do? ;)

[toshirodragon]

Nope assume way America.

You have NO idea how odd I really am!

[Aquido]

nah, that doesn't bother me. What bothers me more is the assumptions about doll owners. That irks me. Thinking that all male doll owners must be gay, or that doll owners must have some latent desire to have children. That stuff annoys me.